I love questions. I believe in the power of questions. Questions are the path to growth. Questions are the leader’s tool of choice. Questions are the secret sauce. If you think I’m biased towards questions, you’re right! I’ve personally witnessed the power and magic of questions for myself, with my many coaching clients and even in my relationships. While the shift from telling to asking can be challenging, once you make the shift you see immediate and profound impacts in communication, engagement, empowerment, and growth. Not bad for a single shift – from telling to asking.
The challenges in shifting from directives to questions are many, but the three primary challenges are simple:
1. Habit – Few if any of us were trained and mentored into asking questions. Rather, we were taught to tell, and most of us have been primarily telling for our entire lives and careers.
2. Culture & Control – Because of the habits described above which have gone on for generations and generations, our culture has embraced telling as the way to communicate. In addition, we think that telling (making statements) is the clearest way to communicate, but it’s really more about control. We believe that by controlling our statements (telling) we can control the communication and ensure understanding. Sadly, this is not true.
3. Ego and Ease – A key challenge is that telling is the mode of communication of the ego. We believe that what we think is the most important thing and that we must tell others what we think and know. In addition, telling is admittedly easier than asking questions, especially in the beginning, because it’s what we know and it’s the muscle we’ve exercised the most (habit).
Thus, the shift from statements to questions will be like starting to exercise for the first time. It will be challenging and perhaps even painful, but the outcomes are worth the effort (and even some pain) of shifting.
There are many powerful benefits of using questions in our communication, feedback, and management, including the following:
- Questions help other people to see and understand for themselves.
- Questions invite ownership.
- Questions invite people to reveal themselves (rather than us making our own judgments and assumptions about them).
- Questions are indefensible by the listener (our brains automatically and honestly answers questions for ourselves).
- Questions cannot be brutal, whereas statements sometimes can be.
- Questions create a collaborative environment where the listener participates in their own learning and growth process.
- Questions open up creativity and discovery, while statements are focused on answers and closure.
How’s that for a return on your shift and on your questions?
In Daniel Coyle’s book The Culture Code (Bantam Books 2017), he highlights a team member from the company IDEO who recognizes the magic of questions:
“For me, every conversation is the same, because it’s about helping people walk away with a greater sense of awareness, excitement, and motivation to make an impact. … It’s not about decisiveness – it’s about discovery. For me, that has to do with asking the right questions the right way.” P. 150-151.
Yes – the right questions asked the right way to create an environment of discovery.
This passage also includes a footnote referencing the research of Robert Bales:
“Robert Bales, one of the first scientists to study group communication, discovered that while questions comprise only 6 percent of verbal interactions, they generate 60 percent of ensuing discussions.” P. 151
This is critical – statements are intended for efficiency, while questions are designed for discussion and discovery. However, when it comes to managing and growing your team members (or others around you), questions are actually more efficient than statements for the reasons listed above.
Here’s what I’ve discovered in my work with hundreds of leaders that I’ve coached over the past ten years. First, nearly all of them are statement-centric in their approach to communication and managing their team members. Second, their question muscles are generally very weak. Third, many believe that questions only add extra time to the communication process. Fourth, many also believe that they shouldn’t have to use questions because their team members should do what they’re told and learn from what they tell them. Sound like ego? Finally, and most importantly, I’ve also found that they universally and quickly experience a positive impact when they begin to use questions instead of statements.
Shifting to questions will pay immediate rewards, but you must be willing to invest in the process of this shift. Your old telling muscle will need to be reconditioned to ask questions, and this will take commitment and regular practice. Initially, your questions will tend to be statements dressed up as questions, and it will take more practice to shift to the style and quality of questions that will deliver the benefits outlined above.
And yes, it will be uncomfortable when you begin the shift, but the discomfort is worth it.
After all, nearly every change or shift involves some discomfort. The only question (pun intended) is whether you’re willing to invest in your people and relationships because it will take an investment. The outcomes of using questions are simply the return on your investment in your people and their futures.
There truly is magic in questions, and they are the most powerful tool we have to help people discover, learn and grow. Think about this – while many teachers still teach using a telling model, we know that students learn the most when they are asked questions and invited to engage in discovery conversations (rather than simply being told information).
It’s time to unleash the magic of questions into your leadership, your team, your firms, and even your personal relationships.
